New Jokes for Stand-up Comedians 2014 Neil Sanders

ISBN:

Published: August 11th 2013

Kindle Edition

398 pages


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New Jokes for Stand-up Comedians 2014  by  Neil Sanders

New Jokes for Stand-up Comedians 2014 by Neil Sanders
August 11th 2013 | Kindle Edition | PDF, EPUB, FB2, DjVu, AUDIO, mp3, ZIP | 398 pages | ISBN: | 3.27 Mb

A brilliant book for budding stand up comedians, or for entertaining family and friends.One liners that will prove you to be a laugh a minute! Be warned though as it is adult humor....Examples- How can you tell when a salesman is lying? When hisMoreA brilliant book for budding stand up comedians, or for entertaining family and friends.One liners that will prove you to be a laugh a minute! Be warned though as it is adult humor....Examples- How can you tell when a salesman is lying?

When his lips are moving.- Wonder Woman hasnt really got a cape... She just turns her apron around.- I would ask you how old you are but I know you canʹt count that high.- I started to watch a film last night, a warning said this film contains strong bloody violence, I thought, no need to swear about it.- I like women like my computers. Virus free.- How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America? They had reservations.- This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins.

It was a turtle disaster.- A wise man buys his wife fine china, so she wont trust him to wash it.- Voldemort has a flat face because he ran into the wrong wall at the station.- One cow spying on another cow is called a steak out.- You never see anybody in the Star Wars franchise smoking a cigarette. Although rumor has it that one of the characters does chew baccy.- Your sisters so ugly dogs hump her legs with their eyes closed.- Today I feel as worn out as a cucumber in a convent.- Time may be a great healer but its also a lousy beautician.- I recently realized that Shreks head looks amazingly similar to the female reproductive system.

Oh how I laughed when I watched the film to see a green talking vagina.- My wife said she wanted to try some role-play in the bedroom and bought me a police costume. That night I was nowhere to be seen and eventually arrived about an hour after the event.- My girlfriend said You just went through a red traffic lightˏ thats illegal! I replied Canʹt beˏ the police car behind me has just done it too!- Got a new job with the local hostage negotiators and tried to phone in sickˏ but the boss talked me out of it.- The government wants more police on the streets. There will be after all the job cuts.- A drunk was staggering along one nightˏ dragging a piece of string along behind him.

A passing copper askedˏ Why are you dragging that piece of string? The drunk repliedˏ itʹs a damn sight easier than pushing it.- I was walking past my local community board the other day, where I spotted a sign that said, Women Against Sexism Workshop. I thought, Workshop? Thats no place for a woman.- A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman who is shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, I havent eaten anything in four days.

She looked at him and said, God, I wish I had your willpower.- Women say theres not enough women in comedy - I agree - the only time I see women do a good gag is in pornography.- My last girlfriend used to drive me up the wall. Cost us a fortune in repairs.- After ten years of marriage my wife still knows which buttons to push. On the washer and oven.



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